


Identify

by MidoriKurenaiYume



Series: Far on the Water [4]
Category: Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Arguing, Betaed, Dialogue, F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2018-12-31 06:45:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12126807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidoriKurenaiYume/pseuds/MidoriKurenaiYume
Summary: How Arturia and Gilgamesh finally confronted each other with more honesty, and how they dealt with the unexpected results.





	1. Our hearts that have no destination

**Author's Note:**

> As this is a continuation in a series, I recommend reading Believe, Heavenly Blue and Ring Your Bell first :)  
> There won't be anything too explicit, but the rating is mature for the second chapter ;))
> 
> Title: from a Kalafina song, part of the album 'Far on the Water'. The chapters' titles are lyrics from the song; credits for translating them go to the canta-per-me.net forum ;)  
> Thank you so much to MimiBlue for her beta work!!!

…

…

…

When she arrived at the stables a few minutes after he did, she found him caressing a black horse with eyes that seemed to be fiercely burning.

“Your horse?” Arturia inquired, and he nodded briefly.

“This is Phantom,” Gilgamesh simply explained, before turning around to face her. His gaze swept over her form, noticing the colour of her attire, and that made his expression change slightly. “You’re wearing the dark blue gown.”

She seemed a little surprised but, oddly, also a little sheepish about his remark.

Not quite meeting his eyes, she calmly explained, “I saw you staring at this dress a few times – I assume you are fond of the colour.”

He stared at her, unable to bring forth the reply that was ready to escape his lips.

He could not tell her the truth. He could not tell her that the reason why he liked that blue gown was solely because he believed the colour suited her. It wasn’t exactly the best thing to say after she had admitted to making an effort to try and be considerate of his tastes.

Or maybe, he actually _should_ tell her? She had after all accused him of only thinking of himself and not making any real effort in helping her get to know him – what better occasion to prove that it wasn’t true?

Lately, she had been opening up a little to others, seeming less stern and speaking more with the people in the village, and he had forced himself to admit that he was foolishly _jealous_ of that. He wanted her to be more open with _him_ , not with anyone else; not just to spend time together, he also wanted her to _get to know_ him.

Therefore… why not let her know his real thoughts? Why not make sure she understood him?

She did not ask for anyone’s help to get on the saddle, and the stable boys were quick to leave the king and queen on their own as soon as they were ready to depart.

The moment they were alone, Gilgamesh spoke again.

“Unfortunately Arturia, you are mistaken, as I am not particularly fond of the colour blue,” he offhandedly informed her, and saw her expression freeze and fall for a second before she managed to conceal it.

He continued, barely holding back a small, genuine smile, “I stare at that dress simply because blue always looks stunningly beautiful on you.”

He stopped concealing his smile when he saw her face freeze once again, especially since this time it wasn’t because she was upset or mortified. Oh no, this time she was honestly taken aback by his compliment, and by the fact that there wasn’t any deceit or falsehood detectable in his tone.

However, when he turned his head away to hide the smile nonetheless, as there was no need for her to see it, he did not realize that doing so gave her a better view of his cheek – the cheek that still held the remnants of the red mark she had inflicted on him the evening before.

She remained silent for quite a while as they rode through the vast fields, of course only taking the paths that would not damage the crops. It was a sunny day, and the time of the year was particularly ideal for admiring all the natural beauties that were plentiful in the hidden village. While it wasn’t entirely made of gold as travellers often assumed it to be, it was indeed prosperous and rich, and given the beautiful colour of the fields, it wasn’t difficult to guess where its legendary descriptions had come from.

Arturia let her eyes drink in the beautiful sceneries in front of her, allowing herself to relax, even if only slightly. The two horses, white and black, matched each other’s pace well and in fact seemed to enjoy exercising together.

As they had agreed earlier in the morning, they crossed the countryside to go visit some of the farmers, and after meeting them, since the weather allowed it, they continued on foot, guiding their horses while walking next to each other.

Even if the day before she had mentioned that riding was an activity that made her hungry, the circumstances of their outing had closed her stomach. There was plenty to stare at and there was much to be admired around them, yet Arturia was unable to avoid noticing how her husband’s intense gaze hardly ever left her.

Finally, after a prolonged period of silence, she addressed him again.

“I don’t believe in violence as a suitable way to solve problems, Gilgamesh,” she said slowly, motioning to his cheek. “But I will not hesitate to strike you again, and harder, if you _ever_ accuse me again like you did yesterday.”

He did not offer a reply, and she hesitated for a moment before adding, “If you had not merely suspected me, and if you had actually trusted me, you wouldn’t have baselessly accused me like that.”

They walked in silence again for a while, until he deliberately responded, repeating his own words from the day before, “I shouldn’t have said those things.”

Her reply was rapid this time.

“Indeed. You shouldn’t have said any of those things. But you _did_.”

He stared ahead of him, not even glancing at her, as he shot back, his tone growing stern, “I will not justify what I said, as I _am_ to blame. If I trusted you, then I wouldn’t have such suspicions. But you… you are not making things easy for me.”

He sighed in frustration. “I am _trying_ to get to know you. I am _trying_ to understand you. Yet you keep pushing me away and closing yourself, so how can I trust you when just asking you a question seems to cause you offence–”

“Stop it!” she almost screamed, fury in both her expression and her voice, making the horses neigh at her sudden shout.

Startled, he turned to meet her gaze, and she went on, practically trembling in anger, “Stop trying to manipulate me! Stop making up excuses for your behaviour like this!”

His eyes narrowed and he stopped walking.

“What do you mean, Arturia?” His voice had suddenly turned icy.

She seemed to struggle with herself, and then, making up her mind, looked straight into his eyes.

“Do you have even the faintest idea, Gilgamesh, of how hurtful it is to find out that the person you love and placed your trust in deceived you and played you for a fool? Believe me – it _hurts_!”

She took a deep breath, and then abruptly continued, “I have come to like this place. I like the people here, and I like what I have learned about you as well. It was hard to even look at you without constantly being reminded of your deception, but you did seem to want to make amends for it. I thought things weren’t so bad – yet, for no reason, just when we were starting to cautiously get along, you suddenly accused me of… of going behind your back and having immoral, adulterous relationships with the people living here! After I was honest with you and told you about what happened in town, about the way people behaved there, do you have _any_ idea of how insulting your accusation is!?” Her green eyes flashed. “And on top of that, you also try to blame me for your unreasonable suspicions by saying that _I_ am the one not opening up to you!?”

Her form shook as she fought to control her anger. “I want to know now – what is it that you actually want. You claim you are _trying_ , but for what _purpose_ are you trying? When you say you are trying, do you actually have any regard at all for my feelings? For _me_ _?_ ”

She seemed suddenly more composed, and her subsequent words were uttered in a much lower tone. “Let me be clear, Gilgamesh – I am not demanding for you to return my feelings. I demand to know what your feelings _are_.”

Even as the horses started to look a bit agitated because of the prolonged stillness and their raised voices, he remained silent, and simply stared at her with his unreadable crimson eyes.

She did not know that, in that exact moment, he was facing the realization of what he now knew he had been feeling for a while. Unaware of that, she held his gaze only for a moment longer before looking away.

“I understand. As you have not made up your mind yet, please _let me know_ when you do. It’s not like I’m going anywhere,” she concluded, her bitter tone impossible to miss.

He took a step forward.

“Arturia–”

He made to bring up his hand to touch her cheek, but she moved away.

“No,” she said harshly. “Don’t.”

She resumed walking, this time no longer by his side but ahead of him, and he had no choice but to follow her, his heart pounding because of the tumultuous thoughts that filled his mind.

Once again, he cursed the fact that he had chosen the less troublesome path and decided to conceal the truth – and thus deceive her – at the beginning of their marriage.

He had deemed her worthy of being the queen and had valued her as a person, but not fully; yet as time went by, she had become more and more precious to him.

He had come to care deeply about his wife. He had finally realized it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Who could guess when he would ever find the right occasion to finally make _her_ realize this as well?

...

...

...


	2. I want to meet you now

…

…

…

It didn’t take them long to get back to the stables, as any desire for a longer riding excursion was gone. Arturia had been completely and utterly silent, not pronouncing a word even when they had eaten their packed food.

As there was no one else there, they did not bother calling for any of the servants and instead opted for unsaddling Phantom and Milk themselves, again without exchanging a word.

Only once they were done did he finally speak, addressing her rather informally.

“If you didn’t always try to run from me, Arturia, then maybe we could talk and I could give you the answers to your questions.”

“If you hadn’t toyed with my feelings, maybe we could,” she shot back. “How would I know that anything you say isn’t a lie? You have made it clear that you doubt my words, but I can’t know whether you’re honest or not either.”

They were standing not far from each other, and he looked at her, once again admiring the dark blue of her dress that looked so beautiful on her.

If only she stopped being so infuriatingly stubborn and let him tell her the truth…! But even if she were to listen, after the way he had behaved it was unlikely she would actually believe him…

Her green eyes looked troubled but, even though they were flashing in barely hidden torment, she held his gaze steadfastly.

“If only you had told me the truth from the beginning, Gilgamesh,” she whispered harshly.

He finally understood. She was no longer pushing him away because of stubbornness; she now wanted to be on good terms with him too – but she was unable to, when the ghost of his deception was still haunting her mind.

Such a state of things would not do. Before truthfully telling her about his feelings, he needed to fully clarify the choices that had been the basis of their marriage first.

The silence was long and heavy, until he finally replied, taking a determined step forward, “You could have said no.”

She stared at him and, this time not looking back at her directly, he continued, “As I already told you, my firm belief is that, had you known the truth, you might have refused. I didn’t want you to say no. I wanted you to accept to become my wife.”

Seeing that she was about to speak, he met her gaze again. “Not because of the village’s governing problems, Arturia. _I wanted you_ , and I did not intend to give you reasons to refuse.”

After another long silence, she finally sighed and said, “As _I_ already told you, I would have still said yes if you had told me the truth, Gilgamesh. If only you had had enough faith in me, now I wouldn’t distrust you so much.”

He laughed harshly, taking another step towards her. He was almost in front of her now.

“It’s not a justification, perhaps, even though I do apologize for it, but I didn’t know you well enough, and I _could not know_ what you were going to reply – therefore, I was not going to take any chances.”

Arturia’s expression contracted, and pain flashed through it.

“Don’t you understand, Gilgamesh? Just because you were _afraid_ of my possible choice, you took away my right to _make_ one! And now… now thanks to both my foolishness and your manipulation, now I’m trapped here forever.” She could not entirely prevent her intense feeling of misery from flashing through her eyes before managing to compose herself and letting a wry, bitter smile curve her lips. “I hope that at least _you_ are happy now.”

She turned away from him. It hurt too much; looking at the man she was in love with – believing that he did not feel the same – was just too much.

Now that she had finally let out everything that still weighed on her about his manipulation of her feelings, Gilgamesh was surprised at what _he_ was feeling: amazingly, it was _relief_. She had come to trust him enough to be completely open about what had truly hurt her, and this meant that, by understanding it, he could finally truly _know_ her.

And this meant that he could make her know him as well, by being completely honest with her.

Still not looking at him, she made to leave the stables, but she was unable to do so, as he grabbed her wrist firmly and pulled her close to him, taking however care not to be rough in his sudden gesture.

“Arturia–”

Losing her patience, she twirled around abruptly to stare at him again.

“What _else_ do you–?”

She could not finish the question, for his lips crashed against hers, pressing her back slightly as one arm went around her to wrap her in his embrace.

His other hand found hers, intertwining their fingers and enclosing them in his, all the while deepening the kiss with ravenous hunger.

The unexpected double contact sent a thrill of emotion down her spine, and she fought not to shudder as his assault on her lips became even firmer yet still managed not to be coercive – only _passionate_.

She distantly realized how her back met something hard, and was aware that it was the barn’s wooden wall, and taking their intertwined hands, Gilgamesh pressed them against the surface behind her as well while still not breaking any of the physical contact between them.

She felt as if all the emotions in her body were concentrated on the areas of her skin that were touching his, she felt as if she was on fire everywhere he touched her, and the onslaught of sensations made her unable to think of _anything_ except her burning desire to reciprocate, to answer him, to–…

His body pressed against hers more fully, his kiss deepening even more as he suddenly opened his mouth while his every touch was becoming more intense by the second–

With a breathless moan that startled even herself, as he finally released her mouth when they needed air, she gasped out his name, “ _Gilgamesh…!_ ”

She brought her free arm up to go around his neck and, not allowing them any time to recollect themselves, she cradled his face closer in order to capture his lips once again and this time have full control of the new kiss.

Feeling him so close was inexpressibly overwhelming, but she only broke free for a second, to allow them both to breathe once again, before immediately going back to kissing him.

She did not intend to let go of him – or his lips – any time soon; he had initiated it, but she wasn’t unwilling in the least.

Yet he seemed to have different ideas, for after one last deep and very thorough kiss he tore his lips away from hers to trail a path down her neck, making her shiver uncontrollably as she heard him murmur her name in a husky tone.

She panted, the sensations quickly becoming overwhelming as her skin was on fire once more, and she suddenly became aware of the fact that he had reached her ear and was now nibbling on it.

“I _have_ made up my mind, Arturia, and on the day I married you,” he quietly whispered, his breath laboured as well when answering her earlier question. “Have you not seen how much, how deeply I care about you, how much you _mean to me_ , you impossible woman? If you believe that there is anyone, _anyone_ I could ever love after meeting _you_ , then I am going to make sure you see how mistaken you are.”

He was still holding one of her hands, their fingers intertwined, pressing her palm against the wall and encasing her entire form against it as well. As soon as his lips pronounced those words, he brought them back to her mouth to kiss her fully.

She took advantage of that pleasant distraction to break her hand free, grab his clothes and pull him more firmly to her, while her other hand sank into his hair.

But if she had obtained a free hand, so had he; without breaking the kiss, he first let it wander to her cheek to tenderly caress it, before swiftly starting to wander downwards.

However, his fingers stopped once they reached the edge of her corset around her hips, and remained still, only caressing the confused tangle of her skirts, which had been pushed up as they had moved their bodies against one another. Even though he could feel very well how damp the fabric already was, he held himself back from grinding against her, refusing to go any further without her consent.

This time he did break the kiss and pulled back slightly to meet her eyes, incredibly darkened crimson orbs on hazed emerald green ones.

He had learned his lesson: _never_ again would he prevent her from making a choice.

“Do you want me to stop, Arturia?”

The skirts of her gown, aside from having been pushed up, had also been slightly torn in their frenzy, and her undergarments could very well disappear within seconds. Her back was pressed against the wall, her legs were already almost unconsciously going up to wrap around his waist and her hands, now deeply buried in his golden hair, were holding his face – namely, his lips – firmly to glued to hers.

Did she? Did she want him to stop? She had told him, a long while but also a short while before, what she felt for him; he had now just told her what he felt for her, and she… she…

…she believed it was the truth.

In fact, she didn’t just _believe_ it; she knew, this time without a doubt, that he wasn’t lying.

Even if it was going to change their odd relationship… did she want him to stop?

“ _No_ ,” her lips decisively mouthed, even though her voice was not cooperating.

Within moments, his dexterous and impatient fingers slid under the corset around her waist, breaking it in half in the effort of removing that wretched obstacle, the rest of her clothes was swiftly discarded while she was clumsily ripping his off him as well, and after very little further teasing needed on his part, he thrust inside her.

Her treacherous voice betrayed her again, this time by making her let out a high-pitched scream, in a mix of surprise and _pleasure_ at the sudden sensation as her highly stimulated body jerked forward out of instinct. Her legs tightened around his waist, unconsciously pulling him deeper inside her and pressing her own body more firmly against his–

His mouth was on hers again, kissing her fiercely, and what little remained of their clothes was quickly removed as he moulded his body against hers, bringing her to him as she met every movement of his with her own…

…and this time, neither was going to stop.

…

……

………

……

…

Still trying to catch her breath, she finally released him from the iron grip she had had on him until this point.

His breath was heavy as well, but contrary to her, he did not seem inclined to let go of her, not even as she began to slowly disentangle herself from him, starting to put her clothes back in place.

Her corset was broken beyond repair, some of her underskirts were slightly torn, but her blue gown luckily hadn’t been ripped in their frantic undressing. She pulled it back in place with some difficulty as she attempted to stand, having been encased between her husband and the wall the entire time.

Her legs however failed her, and she would have collapsed right there on the barn floor, if Gilgamesh hadn’t still been holding her against him securely.

Without a word, he simply scooped her up in his arms, completely unconcerned about the dishevelled state of his own clothes, which he had put back on with little care. He was not going to bother with something as trivial as getting dressed correctly when _she_ was in his arms now, and he held her body tightly against his, as if he meant to never let her go again.

She could feel his eyes on her, staring at her with overpowering intensity, but she could not bring herself to meet his gaze – not now, not… after what had just happened…

But he seemed to make at least this decision for her, as he leaned down to press a slow, long kiss to her lips, which made her breath hitch once again and her eyes flutter close in languid bliss.

When he released her mouth, she didn’t open them again, trying to regain her coherency. She felt her heart still beating wildly inside her chest and felt it growing full of incredibly strong emotions, but she also felt drowsy and she couldn’t help herself – she simply leaned on her husband’s chest, snuggling into his embrace while pulling him closer to her at the same time.

Gilgamesh did not seem to mind at all, in fact, his hold on her tightened and she felt his lips ghost over her forehead for a little while longer, distracting her from anything else. It took her a few moments to realize that he had started to walk and was now carrying her out of the stables.

Still a bit dizzy but feeling that she was slowly regaining her strength, Arturia opened her eyes, noticing how her husband was calmly taking her inside the castle and dismissing the maids who, upon seeing them, had tried to offer their aid while casting surprised and slightly worried glances in their direction.

But Gilgamesh would not allow anyone to interrupt his time with his wife, and before Arturia fully realized it, they were in their bedroom, and by the time he gently deposited her on the bed as he went to close the door, she felt completely back in her wits again.

She tensed slightly when he joined her, lying down next to her and possessively enveloping her in his arms. She discovered that she was, once again, quite unable to meet his eyes, even when his lips trailed a path of kisses from her forehead to her cheeks and his hands came to her to remove what remained of her corset, which she had awkwardly tried to hold onto to cover herself. His fingers also started to undo her tight bun, which had surprisingly remained in place during their… _eventful_ time together.

However, he noticed her being motionless and not responding to his touch, therefore his movements stopped as soon as her long golden locks fell down on the pillows.

“Arturia,” he said in a low tone, bringing up one of his hands to caress her cheek and using the same gesture to trap her face so that she was unable to escape his eyes. “You’re being too silent. Are you well?”

The genuine concern in his features was unmistakable, and she swallowed, this time forcing herself to be mature and hold his gaze.

“I…” she had to clear her throat, as her voice was _still_ not cooperating, “…I think so.”

She closed her eyes for a moment once again, briefly wondering if she hadn’t simply dreamed all that, but then reprimanded herself for the foolish thought and let her mind wander back to what had transpired a few minutes before – and she turned scarlet within seconds.

But while she could not deny that she was feeling some embarrassment because of the complete lack of any kind of inhibitions she and Gilgamesh had displayed with each other, there was nothing in their actions that she regretted.

Although not _everything_ had been clarified between her and her husband, everything that _mattered_ had. And again – she could honestly say that she regretted absolutely nothing.

Her eyes snapped open and, even though she could still feel the heat in her reddened cheeks, her lips slowly stretched in a small smile. To Gilgamesh’s surprise, her fingers suddenly reached forward, grasping his clothes and tugging at them to impatiently begin to take them off him again.

But he was surprised only for a moment; after the shock disappeared, he chuckled warmly, amused, and leaned closer to kiss her lips as her fingers continued to work on his garments – not that there was that much work left to do in order to completely remove them.

“My precious, impatient Arturia,” he murmured, the emotion in his voice palpable, and his hands left her face, after one last caress, to again begin to undress her as well.

“You’ve been working too much,” he murmured against her neck as he lovingly slid her blue gown down her body and nibbled at her skin that was left naked for him to touch. “You need rest, dearest wife, and therefore,” she was taken aback but also couldn’t suppress a shiver at hearing the growl in his voice, “you are on strict orders _not_ to leave the bed for the rest of the day.”

As she cried out in pleasure and surprise when his mouth descended on her breasts, he added with a smirk against her soft skin, “Maybe for _several_ days.”

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End file.
